Seeing this day after day has really brought me down. I KNEW deep down that we had been planting seeds daily and I tried convincing myself that the truth of God was moving within each person that we spoke to. However, I still found myself being discouraged.
After two weeks of ministry, I came to the realization that I still didn’t have a heart for the Nepali people. During our DTS lecture phase one of our speakers, Jackie Pullinger, told us – “You can only gain a big heart by allowing Jesus to break your little one.”
I realized that I had been so caught up in my discouragement that I hadn’t been willing to allow God to break my heart for the Nepali people.
It was incredible to see and feel the change within me after this revelation. I began to see every situation differently. I began to see the hurt and brokenness and desire for more within each person. It no longer mattered if I thought they were even listening, or if they cared, or if they were only there because they had nothing better to do, or because they wanted to argue with us. I was excited after ministry, whether we saw results or not. I not only KNOW that God is working in Nepal, but now I BELIEVE with all my heart that God is working within each and every person that hears the truth of God that we’re here to share.
It’s taken me a month longer then it should have to bring myself to this place, but I’ve finally allowed God to break my little heart and I no longer have to convince myself that God is moving. Now I BELIEVE with all my heart he is.